When You’re Not Heard: The Impact of Feeling Misunderstood

Photo by Sam Mann on Unsplash

Imagine trying to explain why a busy shop feels unbearable, or why a routine appointment fills you with dread, only to be told you’re "overreacting". For many autistic people, this is an everyday reality. Experiences are brushed aside, minimised, or doubted. The message—intended or not—is that your feelings are not valid.

Why It Matters

Being misunderstood is not just frustrating. Over time, it chips away at confidence. When loved ones dismiss concerns, trust in those relationships is damaged. When professionals fail to listen, accessing support or diagnosis becomes harder. The result is often isolation, anxiety and a sense of invisibility.

For autistic people who already spend energy explaining their needs, not being believed can feel like a heavy extra burden.

The Role of Validation

Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything someone says. It means recognising that their feelings and experiences are real. A simple "I hear you" or "That sounds difficult" can make the difference between feeling supported and feeling ignored. Without this, many autistic people stop sharing altogether, which deepens the sense of being cut off.

Steps Towards Self-Advocacy

Although the responsibility should never fall entirely on autistic people, there are gentle ways to make your voice harder to dismiss. Writing things down before an appointment, bringing a trusted person along, or asking for information in clear language can all help. Online communities may also provide the validation that is missing elsewhere.

For Those Who Want to Help

If you are a family member, friend or professional, listening without judgement is one of the most powerful things you can do. Avoid rushing to explain away someone’s feelings.

Instead, ask questions, repeat back what you have heard, and believe that the person knows their own experience best.

Closing Thought

Being heard is a human need. For autistic people, the absence of validation can cause deep harm—but being understood has the power to heal. Small acts of listening, believing and respecting can make a huge difference.