An Autistic Person's Guide to Giving and Receiving Gifts
- martine.ellis
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
This guide is for autistic adults who find the social side of gifts difficult (whether you’re the one giving, receiving, or both). It’s especially relevant at Christmas, but the ideas here apply all year round—birthdays, anniversaries, or any time gifts are expected.
Some tips and ideas in this post might also apply to older autistic teens navigating gift exchanges with family and friends.
Why Gifts Can Feel Difficult
Many autistic people find gifts challenging for different reasons. You might enjoy giving or receiving them in theory, but the reality can feel overwhelming or awkward.
Some common challenges include:
Sensory overload: Bright paper, surprise textures, or the pressure of being watched while opening something.
Social pressure: Knowing how to react, worrying about giving the "right" facial expression or level of enthusiasm.
Unspoken rules: Working out when to open gifts, how much to spend, or what’s considered appropriate can be confusing.
Mismatch of expectations: You might receive something that doesn’t match your needs or interests, or feel unsure if your gift was well received.
All of this is normal. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or doing anything wrong. It just means gifting works differently for you, and that’s fine.
Giving Gifts
Choosing and giving gifts can bring joy, but also stress. You might find it hard to know what others want or feel anxious about getting it "wrong".
Here are some ways to reduce that pressure:
Ask directly: It’s okay to ask someone what they would like or if they have a wishlist.
Use interests as a guide: If you know someone’s special interest, that can be a great starting point.
Give practical gifts: Useful items (like a favourite snack, a kitchen gadget, or a soft blanket) are often appreciated.
Make your own rules: If gift-giving feels stressful, it’s okay to agree on a more straightforward approach, such as no gifts, one small item, or no surprises. This can be especially helpful around expected gift-giving times, like Christmas. If you’re comfortable, let family and friends know that you find gift exchanges difficult, and that having clear guidelines in advance can make it easier.
Writing a short message with the gift explaining why you chose it can also help avoid misunderstandings.
Receiving Gifts
Receiving gifts can be just as hard, especially in social settings.
You might feel watched, not know how to react, or worry about disappointing the giver. Some autistic people also find surprises uncomfortable.
Things that can help:
Set expectations: Let people know if you prefer not to open gifts in front of others.
Talk about preferences: If surprises are difficult, ask close friends or family to tell you in advance what they’re giving.
It’s fine to feel unsure: If your reaction doesn’t match what others expect, that’s not a failure.
It can also help to take breaks or unwrap gifts later if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Gift Ideas That Often Work
If you want to suggest gifts (or you want gift ideas for other autistic people in your life) here are some suggestions:
Sensory-friendly items: Soft clothing, weighted blankets, noise-reducing earplugs.
Interest-based gifts: Books, games, or tools related to a special interest.
Routine-supporting tools: Planners, timers, or gadgets that make everyday life easier.
Comfort gifts: Favourite snacks, hot water bottles, cosy socks.
You could also consider shared experiences (like a quiet lunch or a nature walk) rather than physical items.
Final Thoughts
There is no single right way to do gifts. It’s okay to ask for clarity, to say no, or to set your own boundaries around giving and receiving. Gifts should feel like kindness, not pressure. Whether you love gifts or find them hard, your way of doing things is valid.