When Self-Care Becomes Too Difficult
- martine.ellis
- Sep 8
- 2 min read
When we hear the phrase self-care, many people think of bubble baths, yoga, or spa days. But for autistic people, the more important form of self-care is often the most basic: eating regular meals, keeping on top of hygiene, taking medication, or attending health appointments.
These everyday tasks are vital for wellbeing, but they can also feel overwhelming. Even when we understand the consequences of not doing them, avoidance can take over. This is not about being lazy or careless—it is often the result of very real challenges that autistic people face.
Why Basic Self-Care Can Feel Overwhelming
There are many reasons why these tasks may be difficult:
Sensory challenges: The sound of an electric toothbrush, the taste of toothpaste, or the feel of water on skin can be unpleasant or even painful.
Executive functioning difficulties: Planning, sequencing steps, and finding the energy to begin a task can feel impossible.
Anxiety and perfectionism: Worrying about doing something “properly” may prevent starting at all.
Burnout: After using energy to manage social situations or sensory environments, there may be little left for personal care.
The Cycle of Avoidance
When a task feels too difficult, it’s natural to avoid it. But avoidance can quickly become a cycle. Missing meals may lead to exhaustion, which makes preparing food even harder. Delaying an appointment might increase anxiety, which makes rescheduling feel impossible. Guilt often builds, and the task seems even bigger than before.
Gentle Strategies That Can Help
There is no single solution, but small, manageable changes can make a real difference.
Start small and realistic: If showering feels impossible, try washing your face or hands first. If cooking a full meal feels overwhelming, begin with a simple snack.
Break tasks into steps: A visual checklist can make it easier to see progress one step at a time. Ensure the steps are as small as possible (especially the first one).
Adjust the environment: Use unscented or milder products, dim the lighting, or change textures to reduce sensory discomfort.
Use reminders and routines: Phone alarms, sticky notes, or linking tasks to daily habits (e.g. brushing teeth after breakfast) can help.
Pair with something positive: Listening to favourite music or a podcast during a task can make it more bearable.
Seek gentle support: A trusted friend or family member can sit nearby, provide encouragement, or attend appointments together. Body doubling is often thought of as an ADHD strategy, but it can be equally as helpful for autistic people.
Celebrate progress: Completing even part of a task is an achievement worth recognising.
A Final Word
Struggling with self-care does not mean failure. Many autistic people experience these challenges, and it does not make you any less capable or worthy. What matters is finding strategies that work for you, however small they may seem.
Taking one small step is still self-care. And with patience, understanding, and support, it can become easier over time.
