Navigating Adult Friendships and Social Cues
- martine.ellis
- Sep 16
- 2 min read
Friendship can bring joy, comfort and belonging. But it can also be complicated, especially for autistic people. Understanding other people’s behaviour isn’t always straightforward, and that can make building trust feel difficult.
The important thing to remember is that safe, meaningful friendships are possible. With patience and the right strategies, social situations can become easier to navigate.
Why Friendships Can Feel Difficult
Autistic people may sometimes find it hard to interpret social behaviour that others take for granted. Someone might send mixed signals by saying one thing but meaning another. Many social expectations are unspoken, which makes them hard to predict. Differences in communication style can also cause confusion—direct honesty may not align with hints, sarcasm or subtle body language. Past experiences of rejection or misunderstanding can add to this, making new connections feel risky.
Spotting Red Flags
Not every relationship will feel safe. Sometimes a friend may only get in touch when they want something, or they might make you feel guilty for saying no. Jokes at your expense, or behaviour that leaves you feeling anxious or drained, are also warning signs. If spending time with someone regularly leaves you feeling small or undervalued, it may be a sign that the friendship isn’t healthy.
Building Safe and Meaningful Friendships
Healthy friendships are based on trust, respect and mutual care. Some approaches that may help include:
Go at your own pace: Strong connections do not need to be rushed.
Notice consistency: Pay attention to whether words and actions match.
Communicate clearly: Explaining what you find helpful (for example, “I prefer direct communication”) can set a positive tone.
Find shared interests: Hobbies and groups can create natural opportunities to connect.
Protect your energy: Boundaries are healthy, and saying no is allowed.
Look for balance: Effort and kindness should come from both sides.
A Final Thought
Adult friendships can be challenging, but they can also be deeply rewarding. By trusting your instincts and valuing yourself, it becomes easier to recognise relationships that feel supportive.
One or two safe and genuine friendships are far more valuable than many that do not meet your needs. You deserve to be around people who see your worth.
