Guest Post: Online Dating for Autistic Adults: Opportunities, Risks, and Safe Spaces
- martine.ellis
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
This post was written for Autism Guernsey by Laura Simpson, Guernsey’s Digital Safety Development Officer.
Online dating can be a great way to meet new people, especially if traditional social settings feel overwhelming or inaccessible. For many Autistic adults, dating apps and social media offer a more comfortable way to connect, where you can take your time, communicate in writing, and express yourself more clearly.
But, while online dating opens up exciting possibilities, it also comes with risks. Miscommunication, exploitation, and unclear boundaries can lead to uncomfortable or even harmful situations. This guide will help you explore online dating safely and confidently, with tips tailored to your needs and communication style.
Why Online Dating Can Work Well for Autistic Folk
Text-based communication allows time to think and respond.
Profile-based introductions reduce the pressure of small talk.
Specialised platforms are designed with neurodivergent users in mind.
Inclusive communities offer space for LGBTQ+ and straight users alike.
Key Risks to Be Aware Of
1. Misinterpreting Messages
Autistic people may take things literally or miss subtle cues. This can lead to misunderstandings, like thinking someone is flirting when they’re not or vice versa. If you’re unsure, it's okay to ask for clarification from the person you are chatting with, a friend, or a supportive family member.
2. Unintentional Harassment
Sometimes, people may cross boundaries without realising it. For example, sending a flirty or personal message too soon can make someone uncomfortable. Always ask before sharing anything intimate, and respect the other person’s response.
3. Being Targeted by Predators
Sadly, some people take advantage of others online. They may pretend to be kind but are actually trying to manipulate or exploit. This is called grooming, and it can happen slowly over time. Be cautious if someone asks for money, personal photos, or tries to move the conversation to another app quickly. If you have any concerns that this may have happened to you, please contact the Police.
4. Sexual Images
Whilst the sharing of sexual images can lead to manipulation and exploitation, many folk consider it to be a part of online dating. Adults can share these types of images of themselves, with the consent of the person receiving them. If you want to send sexual images of yourself, please use the Stop Non-Consensual Intimate Image Abuse tool to help protect your images from being publicly shared. Thought needs to be given to how images can now be edited or manipulated by AI, as this possibility makes sharing sexual images riskier than it has perhaps been in the past.
5. Oversharing Personal Information
It’s easy to feel a connection and want to share everything, but it’s important to protect your privacy. Information such as full name, date of birth, address, phone number, financial and password details are valuable to those with criminal intentions, and sharing these details could result in becoming a victim of financial, identity or romance fraud.
How to Stay Safe on Dating Apps and Social Media
Ask before getting personal: “Would it be okay if I shared something more personal?” is a respectful way to check in.
Never send explicit content without clear consent: Even if someone flirts with you, that doesn’t mean they want sexual messages or images. Do not assume any sexual images you send will remain private.
Respect boundaries: If someone says “no” or doesn’t reply, don’t keep messaging them.
Use clear, respectful language: Avoid slang or jokes that could be misunderstood.
Talk to someone you trust: If you’re unsure about a message, ask a friend or support worker for advice
Dating Apps That Prioritise Safety
IMPORTANT: Please note that this list is by no means definitive or represents a recommendation. This is purely provided as a starting point for adults to explore and research.
For Autistic and Neurodivergent Users
Hiki: A social and dating app made for Autistic people. It’s inclusive, low-pressure, and LGBTQ+ friendly.
Aspie Singles: A simple, sensory-friendly platform for people on the spectrum.
Uneepi: Offers coaching and emotional support alongside dating features.
For LGBTQ+ Users
Other Popular Sites (Which Do Not Centre Autistic, Neurodivergent, or LGBTQ+ People)
eHarmony: Known for long-term relationships and strong safety features.
Match: Offers profile screening and in-app safety tools.
Higher Bond: A faith-based app with manual profile reviews and no explicit content.
Online dating can be a positive and empowering experience when approached with consent and care. By learning about boundaries, consent, and communication, you can protect yourself and others while building meaningful connections. Whether you're looking for friendship, romance, or just someone who understands you, there’s a safe space out there for you.
Good luck!
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