Guest Post: A Guide to Setting Boundaries for Phone and Device Use (For Parents and Carers of Autistic Children and Teens)

martine.ellis
2 days ago
3 min read

This post was written for Autism Guernsey by Laura Simpson, Guernsey’s Digital Safety Development Officer.

In today’s digital age, mobile phones are a vital part of how young people connect, learn, and express themselves. For autistic children and teens, phones can offer a safe space for communication and a sense of control in a world that often feels overwhelming. However, without clear boundaries, screen time can become a source of stress, conflict, or even harm. Setting healthy boundaries around mobile phone use is essential—and it starts with parents modelling the behaviour they want to see.

Why are Devices Important to Autistic People?

Autistic folk of all ages often find digital communication less stressful than face-to-face interaction because no eye contact, physical closeness, or immediate response is required! Some autistic individuals may also use a phone or tablet as a communication aid, which can be transformative for non-speaking people. And for all of us (even neurotypicals) messaging, video calls, and social media can help maintain friendships and express emotions in ways that feel safer and more manageable and allows for response rehearsal. However, this comfort can lead to overuse, especially when phones become a coping mechanism for anxiety or sensory overload.

According to the National Autistic Society, while phones can support communication and independence, they can also expose young people to risks like cyberbullying, online scams, and social isolation if not used mindfully, and with age/stage appropriate supervision and support from families. So, boundaries are essential, but how do you go about setting them?

Start with Empathy and Collaboration

Rather than imposing strict rules, involve your child in setting boundaries. Explain why limits are important—not as punishment, but to support their wellbeing. Catherine Knibbs, a cyber trauma expert, emphasises the importance of co-creating digital agreements with children. This approach helps them feel respected and more likely to stick to the rules.

Ask open-ended questions like:

“How do you feel after using your phone for a long time?”
“What helps you feel calm and focused?”
“What times of day do you think are best for phone use?”

Together, you can agree on screen-free times (like during meals or before bed), app limits, and expectations for online behaviour. Crucially, you want to have the kind of relationship around technology where you will be your child’s first port of call if they have questions or if something goes wrong.

Model the Behaviour You Want to See

Children learn more from what we do than what we say. If you’re constantly checking your phone, it sends a message that screen time is more important than real-life interaction. Show your child that you also value balance by putting your phone away during family time, taking breaks from screens, and talking openly about your own digital habits. Of course, we appreciate that sometimes having a phone or device out is necessary, for instance if you are required to be “on-call” for work, but this difference can be explained clearly.

Internet Matters highlights that when parents model healthy tech use, children are more likely to follow suit. This is especially true for autistic children, who often thrive on consistency and clear expectations and fairness.

But Aren’t Phones Addictive?

It’s worth remembering that our brain’s reward system can be triggered by any activity—this isn’t purely a technology-based phenomenon. Digital devices stimulate the brain’s reward system by releasing dopamine, a chemical linked to pleasure and motivation. For neurodivergent individuals, including many autistic people, differences in dopamine regulation may mean they need more stimulation to feel the same reward. This makes phones and devices especially appealing, offering fast, predictable feedback.

Understanding this can help parents set boundaries with empathy, recognising that screen time may be a way for their child to self-regulate or manage sensory input.

Use Tools and Support

Parental controls, screen time trackers, and app blockers can help reinforce boundaries without constant arguments. But tools alone aren’t enough—ongoing conversations and emotional support are key, just as it is with other aspects of parenting. If your child struggles with transitions or becomes distressed when limits are enforced, work with them to find calming strategies and alternative activities.

We Know it isn’t Easy!

Setting mobile phone boundaries with your autistic young person isn’t about control—it’s about connection, safety, and mutual respect. By modelling healthy habits, involving your child in decisions, and supporting their unique needs, you can help them build a balanced and positive relationship with technology.